Greetings and welcome to Awakening With Brahma Kumaris. Welcome, Sister. Om Shanti.
Om Shanti and welcome to Soul Reflections. Thank you. Don’t raise your kids to have more than you had.
Greetings and welcome to Awakening With Brahma Kumaris. Welcome, Sister. Om Shanti.
Om Shanti and welcome to Soul Reflections. Thank you. Don’t raise your kids to have more than you had.
Raise them to be more than you were. Beautiful. More than you were. Please explain the last line.
Don’t raise your kids to have more than you had. They pertain to physical aspects which means A parent will have a very pure intention. That he wants to give his child more than what he was able to get himself in terms of material comforts. So as soon as the child is born he says – I could not afford to travel in First Class, but my child should. Whatever I could not get, my child should be able to get those comforts.
It says don’t raise your kids to have more than you had. Raise them to be more than you were. More powerful than you. It means do not give your kids more of physical comforts.
Make them emotionally stronger than yourself. Emotionally and spiritually stronger, more than you were. It means instead of increasing their external comforts. Increase their inner power. Do not worry about giving your child, whatever you missed out on.
Think about the strength which you lacked and ensure your child will not like that. Both are connected to each other. The more we raise our kids to have more than we had.
They will be weaker than what we were. We use the word – spoilt brat. Their addictions and dependencies with increase. You mentioned in the previous episode – that a maid said about her 2 to 3-year-old kid. That her child cannot sleep without the air conditioner turned On.
Because that child is used to getting that comfort from Day One. Giving comfort is fine. We have to be able to balance what we are doing. I have heard parents say – I will bring up my child like a King. “I will raise my kid like a king.” Today every parent should take up this line.
Bringing him up like a king does not mean the child gets all the comforts which a king gets. Do we want to give him all the comforts and wealth? Or should we teach him to rule over himself like a king? Make your child a king. Such a king who rules over his mind, intellect and sense organs.
That’s a very nice point. A king is one who has control and discipline over himself Only then will he be able to administer situations and people. Only if he can rule over his senses, he can be a king.
But if we look back at historic Kings and their lives They used to engage their kids in so much of physical activity. My mother told me a story when I was a kid. A man asks his son to look at a scene below – where one boy was riding on a horse and another boy was ploughing the fields.
So he asked him who among the two boys is the king’s son. He said the one riding the horse. The answer was wrong.
It was the other boy who was the king’s son. The one who is working hard on the field is the king’s son. It means he’s making him work hard. The king is putting a habit in his son, of getting used to different environments.
The king is giving his son the strength to face the ups and downs in life. So that boy is the king’s son. The intention is that the son should know how a farmer toils to grow a crop. So that the son does not ill-treat farmers in future.
In olden times children from Royal families Would be sent to Gurukuls. Which means they were educated in Ashrams. They would not stay in air-conditioned homes, travel in air-conditioned vehicles, or have air-conditioned classrooms. They lived in Gurukuls and studied there. It means a King’s son had to leave behind all the royalty and luxury To live in jungles in Ashrams and complete their education there.
They were children of the King, they were Princes. They had several servants who would do anything at their command. They would not even have to lift a glass of water. But still they were sent it to the Gurukul since childhood.
Where they had to cut wood, cook food, fill water, apart from studies. Why are they having to do such hard work despite being a King’s children? That king is making his children also, kings in the truest sense.
Because a king is one who is spiritually and emotionally strong. Because later on the king has to rule over the entire Kingdom. Not only that, he needs to have an experience of everything. He needs to govern, he needs to rule.
Without being a ruler over himself, he cannot rule over anyone else. Without ruling over himself he cannot manage the people in his Kingdom. But if the child of a king is a slave of unhealthy habits.
Then how will he rule over the people? So in order to make the children of Royal families strong – physically, emotionally, intellectually, and most important spiritually strong Because when they are spiritually strong, the soul will be strong. Only then the other aspects will be strong – emotionally, physically, intellectually and socially strong. To make all these happen the children used to be sent to live far away from their Royal lifestyle. They have to learn everything.
Most important – they have to learn to be in every kind of environment, and every situation. Whom do we call as emotionally strong? The one who can remain stable, regardless of the environment, people or situation. We call him emotionally strong because he will not react. He will remain stable, he will adapt, she will adjust and be able to live in that environment with other people.
Similarly in today’s world, such a person will be able to handle relationships well and face ups and downs in career – because he developed a habit of living in all kinds of environments. So when will he develop that habit? About 50 years ago my father owned a medical store. A little boy came and bought some medicines.
I was in the store at that time. The staff in our medical store asked me if I knew who that boy is. He said that boy is the son of an extremely wealthy man. But to train that boy, his father has sent him to live in his uncle’s house So he has come there like a staff to buy the medicines, he will go back and do all the household work.
It seems that boy’s father had told his uncle to be very strict with him and treat him like a staff member. The boy was given the same food as their staff was given. This is making your child stronger than you were.
Rather than giving him more than you had. This is what it is. This is a very beautiful line. Today we are giving her children all the comforts because we want that they are comfortable.
But our priority should be that our children are strong. Being strong and being comfortable are two different things. Today if they do not get used to living without those comforts. Then we might still be able to give them the comforts throughout their life.
But later we cannot make them strong emotionally. That is why it is a very beautiful line. Focus and prioritize.
Make your child stronger than you were. Rather than giving the more than you had. This has to become a mantra of every parent today. What should be our priority? To teach them to live in every environment, with all kinds of people and adjust to any situation.
They need to learn to sleep with the air conditioner On, and without the air conditioner as well. When we used to be sent to Scout camps. The Scouts were from all backgrounds – background from rich families, economically poor families, a few uneducated kids, kids room very small schools, and so on.
But all of us had to live together. We had to make our own tents. We have to fetch water and do all the work ourselves.
We were only addressed as Scouts. So in that, two things got practiced. Of living in different environments and with different kinds of people. All of us had to sleep in the tent with the same amount of comfort. We were only brothers – Scout to Scout relationship.
No labels of name, status, religion or background. You are a scout, I am a scout. This is making a soul emotionally strong. I learnt a lot in the scout camps.
You learnt a lot, is it not? This means becoming emotionally strong. This means knowing how to handle relationships. Today why are our children becoming lonely?
Since their childhood we are connecting them with gadgets and not with people. So even when they grow up to be 10 or 15 years of age, they will be comfortable with technology. Because they played with technology since childhood. So they are comfortable chatting on Facebook and WhatsApp.
They have not interacted much with people since childhood. I was shocked the other day. My grandson asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to play golf. He said – I also play very good golf.
So I asked him when did he ever go to a Golf course? Then he explained that in his room he has a game of golf, which uses visual effects. 100-acre land with a 1000 trees, converted into a golf course is a completely different thing. Not only that. We are connecting them more to technology.
Not to nature and not to people. So you are talking about the habits when we say my child will be treated like a king. Now it is so clear what it meant. I had forgotten that in the olden days, a King’s children were sent to the Gurukul for education.
Today our education system and schooling system are changing. Today the homes are also built to be comfortable and even the schools are constructed to be comfortable. If we look at our own schooling years. The way we would commute to school and the school’s environment were different from today. Today it is more comfortable.
But if a person starts getting more and more comfort without working hard for it. It becomes a habit for them to expect comfort. It makes them week even physically.
We can look at ourselves today. Today we have are habit you hated to using fans and air conditioners. So we say it is so hot, I cannot live without fan on air conditioner.
But at a short distance from us there is a farmer who is working hard in the fields. He is able to work. He is habituated to working in that environment. He is working and here we are complaining about the discomfort, that we cannot manage without an air conditioner.
But if you look at it, since when have we got habituated to air conditioners? Only over the last few years. Yet we are so uncomfortable without it.
Although we spent our entire childhood, schooling and college without air conditioners. Our schools and colleges never had them, 25 years ago. These are recent inventions. Although we didn’t have its habit earlier, yet we say I cannot stand in this hot climate, I need an AC.
But a child who has got an air conditioner in his room since day one of his birth. AC at home, AC in the car, and AC at his school also. Physical damage is still visible to us.
What will be his emotional state in future? How will he face the emotional disturbance in future? And most important we have not created in them the habit of adjusting to different environments and different people.
The soul’s flexibility, adaptability and power to adjust starts depleting. That is why the line says – make them stronger than you were. If we have the habit of adjusting this much, then we need to increase adjustment in them to this much (more than us) Otherwise we are seeing mental health issues, addiction issues, divorce rate are all increasing. Why? Emotionally weaker souls.
If we do not take care of ourselves and our children, 20 years from now it will only increase. So that is why let us take that up as a Priority. So like we discussed last time, the simple habits that we have put into our children Like having their meal while using Technology – TV or mobile phones. Let every parent today take their time, talk to doctors Talk to everyone that you need in first find out Is that habit right? First let them gather information from all around.
So they will get information of what harm the screen is doing to the child’s eyes How the screen is impacting the child’s brain If there is no mindful eating, what happens to the child’s body? And of course the willpower of the child or soul is certainly reducing. Once we understand all these things.
The parent has to then first of all take up the responsibility. That habit of the child has to go, no matter what. They have to let go of the line – this habit cannot be broken. But only if I can control that habit in me I can talk to the child also to quit the habit.
If I smoke a cigarette, but if I advise my child not to smoke and tell him it is injurious to health. So first we have also to have discipline somewhere. We have to have discipline. Absolutely. We are disciplined in many aspects of life.
But the same discipline is now to be inculcated in our children. For example, there is one parent who is very disciplined. He wakes up at 5 a.m., does meditation, yoga, goes to gym and even morning walk. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, lives a satvik lifestyle.
But that parent can feed his kid while keeping the iPad On for the kid to watch while eating. You mentioned that they say – my child does not eat food without watching TV or post on iPad. Their grandparents tell me – Let him eat. Food is going into his body at least in this way.
Otherwise if he does not eat how will he grow? At least he is eating. It means our priority is That the child should eat and become physically strong.
It is a different matter that when the child is not eating with awareness, then it is not good for his body also. That’s a different matter altogether. But we feel at least the nutrition has gone inside.
Eating a meal is a combination of both the body and mind. It is not just about the body, that we feed it into the mouth and it will do its work. Suppose, even then we feel that the child has anyway eaten and so he will become physically strong. Then I need to tell myself – I am making my child physically strong but emotionally weak. Is that okay with me?
Is it right? If we say he is getting physically strong, regardless of the fact that he has become a Slave to that habit of watching television while eating. Is that okay with me? We are doing all this only because we don’t want to put in efforts for 5 days to change that child’s habit?
Last time we saw the quote – it is easier to raise stronger kids then to repair broken adults. Once the child grows into adult, making him emotionally strong at that time will be such a tedious job and will take so much effort. Who made that kid emotionally weak? We made him week when he said that he cannot manage without these habits.
When we said he cannot live without these comforts. How will be make this kid emotionally strong, 20 years from now? A father takes his two children to a music teacher. He introduces the children to the teacher that one child has already learnt music to a good extent, and the other child is new to music.
When the parent asks about the fee, the teacher says – 50 rupees for the child who is new to music, and hard and 50 rupees for the one who has already learnt music. Okay. Show the parent is surprised that the one who knows music is charged more than the child who doesn’t know. So the teacher says – higher fee because he needs to first get that child unlearn whatever he has previously learnt. Beautiful.
We know everything. We all know this. But still we are not aware. Even a tailor says it is easier to stitch new clothes then to alter old ones. Similarly it is easier to mould a child.
Today a majority of the problems that we see in the society, in relationships and in health It is only because of emotional weakness. Everybody is talking about it. Today even corporates say they want emotionally strong people. They say they will do an EQ test.
So candidates applying for job are put through an EQ test. There are calling it Spiritual Quotient – SQ. Without The Spiritual Quotient being strong, a person’s Emotional Quotient can just not be strong. Spiritual quotient refers to how strong the soul is.
When the soul is strong, the minds thoughts feelings and emotions will proportionately be strong, because they are dependent on it. A weak soul cannot have a powerful and positive mind. A powerful soul will automatically have a powerful mind, stability, peace Both are connected. It is not possible for anybody to be spiritually weak but emotionally strong.
And it is not possible to be spiritually strong and emotionally weak. I feel people should be sent some training of how to raise children, Otherwise everyone is used doing it their own way, whatever is comfortable for them. How would it have started? One parent might have been working on her iPad and parallel feeding her child.
Maybe the child refused to eat initially, but saw something interesting on the iPad. And at that moment the parent was able to feed the child. That day the parent might have realized That the child quickly at the day while watching something on the iPad.
Feeding him would take 15 minutes every day with so much effort and even telling him stories. But today the child ate his food within 5 to 7 minutes. 1 pair and somewhere would have had this experience.
Everybody didn’t start together. So they shared it with two or three other people. Show some 5 children started to eat in that way.
Today it has become normal. Habits get formed this way. One soul creates a habit. It starts with only one person.
It doesn’t need everyone to start simultaneously. One soul creates habit somewhere. Another soul looks at that and adopts the same belief system. He starts using it. Very soon it spends.
Parents even interact with each other about these things. They share that they used an iPad while feeding and their child ate the meal without fuss. So if a parent shares that it made his life easy The Other parent was struggling to feed his child So now he got a solution to his problem. We talk about home remedies (Nuskha in Hindi) that have passed down to us from our grandparents. Now these things are our home remedies in today’s times.
That feed him when he is watching the iPad. Before adopting this method to feed children, did we think of the consequences it will lead to? Without thinking of the consequences we adopted the method, and even made it a habit in the child.
Not ours but our child’s habit. Is this parenting? We are parenting our children. Parenting means everything being done for the Welfare of the child. Welfare not just in one aspect.
That child ate his food at least in this way. This is not good for the child. Welfare is about the overall wellbeing of the child. That is parenting.
Not overall weakening of my child. True. There was a family of Nawabs in Hyderabad. The child in that family was very comfortable with one of the house maids and would sleep with her very well. That child would not go to sleep with anybody else.
Later on the got to know That made used to consume opium. She used to make the child like a little bit of opium. So the child would fall asleep.
This is also a dangerous habit that we have today, Even if we discuss it at home people say – at least let the child enjoy watching something on iPad and eat. In the incident which you shared – parents of the child would have felt – at least their child is sleeping well because of that maid. They thought she loves that child.
The child might have got into the habit of having opium later in life. If the substance would have been given to him at such an early age She might just have put a little on his tongue. The taste which had an influence on the child’s mind, brain and body at that age.
The substance had an effect on his mind brain and body and would put him to sleep. A small child would need only so much to get a taste. But later on it could have become an addiction. It means temporary comfort or ease that the child is at least falling asleep But in the long-term it becomes an addiction All the small things that we are doing today.
But today parents are also seeking to rest and relax. In our generation there used to be 8 children at home but no servants to take care of them. Today every parent needs to introspect on this for themselves and for their children. That not just physical health of my child, not just intellectual health of my child, not just about the child learning a lot of skills and talents Not just social health of the child but complete wellbeing of the child Complete wellbeing includes a powerful soul, next a healthy body and then beautiful relationships.
What are the habits that we need to change for the complete wellbeing of the child? In our thoughts and then with a little effort, changes in the child also. Thank you so much, Sister.
Om Shanti. Om Shanti. Thank you.